It’s that time of year again when we all get a little bit introspective and have all the feels. It starts in November when you freak out about how the year has gone by SO FAST, realising that it’s just about to get super busy again as you prepare for all the socialising and Christmas preparation. For me this involves stressing for about a month about what presents to buy for my family and then procrastinating from the actual purchasing until a few days before Christmas. Every Single Year. Hopeless.

Then Christmas rolls around and I mostly enjoy myself (though I never remember that part) and regret that I haven’t paid enough attention to my family for the past year. I’m the quintessential lonely middle child (two sisters on either side), I don’t live in the same city, but you know, phones. Hopeless. I could write many a blog post about my familial neuroses, but for now suffice to say that Christmas reminds me that I’m human and my family really does know me very well. Also that I love them very much.

Thus starts the introspection. Then there’s some time off work and the impending New Year to really get you to think deeply about life, the universe and everything. For me my birthday is also thrown into the mix, as if the rest of it wasn’t enough. So I’m forced into a space where I think about who I am, what I want in life and what to do about it all. I refuse, however, to make resolutions. There’s nothing that stresses me out more than not meeting my own expectations, so I try to avoid setting any.

Instead I list. This year I’ve made it much simpler. I wrote a list of what I want in my life, then a list of more concrete things for 2015. I’ve been a fan of goal-setting systems in the past, but now it all just seems too much. GTD (“Getting Things Done”) seems comprehensive but so… involved! And the amount of planning that’s required – I usually get bored a quarter to half of the way through the process, so it’s kinda useless. When I did manage to finish it it felt so constricting. Cue stress. So no.

So anyway… life goals, plan, ideas. Much better. Just ideas. Ideas change – I feel much more comfortable;

• develop some sort of consultancy or career to do with churches, communities, organisations… or something along those lines…
• finish my Master of Management
• have / build / give-a-shit-about strong relationships
• try and be healthy – pay attention to my diet, physical activity, need for alone-time, sleep etc
• buy a house with The Silver Fox
• not give up on my music
• not give up on my discipleship journey
• get my weight down (notice this is separate to the “healthy” thing – I don’t believe weight to be a particularly good marker of general health, so this is just pure vanity. I don’t want to wobble so much, but some squishiness is fine.)
• study more – PhD, maths degree, theology degree, learn a language or four…
• learn to be comfortable with and embrace who I am

So then comes the plan ideas for this year. 2014 was particularly crap and wonderful at the same time. The wonderful outweighed the crap so I’m already on top. My life changed at the end of 2013, however, and I spent most of 2014 “dealing” with that… so in 2015 I want to start on the proper “healing”.

The list for 2015;

• healing from “the thing” (one day I’ll tell you all about it)
• write more on this blog, try and work out what I’m doing with it and actually do it
• develop an exercise routine
• unpack the house (just moved before Christmas – still heaps to do)
• complete two masters subjects (I’m taking my time, no need to rush)
• hand over the project I was given at church to someone who would do a much better job than me. I got bored.
• organise regular visits, phone calls, events so I can catch up with friends and family
• remember to buy presents for my nieces and nephews for their birthdays (more hopeless)

So that’s it. Two lists. I’ll break it down further when I get to the beginning of each month and week, but this is what I’ll go off. Two completely changeable lists that I may very well ignore, but if I do, will still feel empowered in choosing to do so.

What do you want your life to look like?